Why should we care about Self-care?

10 excuses that you need to stop telling yourself today

What happens when you keep on making Selfcare excuses? Let’s start with a real-life example: How would you describe the woman in the photograph above. Happy? Content? Satisfied? Believe it or not, that was me the day after I had a nervous breakdown. I just stopped working, there was no other way to describe it. It was like something broke inside me; I couldn’t talk properly, I started crying in the middle of the corridor of my old job, and I felt a sheer and overwhelming force of panic and anxiety seize me in the chest. I couldn’t breathe, my brain felt like fudge and I started to hyperventilate. A full-on panic attack was definitely imminent. But this one felt different. I could hear this loud, resounding voice within saying, “I just can’t keep doing this to myself anymore”. Sound familiar?

What happens if we keep making selfcare excuses?

One year on from when that photograph was taken, I sit here, a different woman. I began to realise that I had not been prioritising my self-care in the lead-up to my breakdown. I had become ‘tunnel-visioned’ into always putting the needs of others around me first, before myself.  Ever heard the saying “put your own oxygen mask on before helping others?” If we don’t help ourselves and keep making Selfcare excuses, then we’ll wind up in a position unable to help others. So I write with the intention of hoping that others won’t make the same mistakes as myself. Here are ten Selfcare excuses you need to stop telling yourself, and make self-care a priority for yourself from today.

Selfcare excuses #2: “But all my friends come to me with their problems”

Yes, that’s probably because you put yourself out there as a helpful, kind and caring person. (which is great by the way, I’m no knocking that). But it is okay to say to people “I need some time for myself, so that I can help you better in the long run”. No friend is going to disagree with that, and if they do stop talking to you, it’s probably worth questioning the value of said friendship.

Selfcare excuses #3: “I don’t have time for self-care”

Do you have time to breathe? To brush your teeth? To comb your hair or put make-up on? Yes, these are all forms of self-care. It’s understandable that the events of 2020 and 2021 have meant that certain tasks such as putting on nice clothes to go out somewhere seem a little less relevant, but other things have become so much more relevant. Making a cup of tea (or coffee) and sit in your garden, porch, or stand in the front doorway. Notice the world, and the sounds around you, such as bird song, or even road traffic if you live near a busy road. Feel connected to everything around you. This is also self-care. Self-care is not about how many nice things you can do for yourself. It’s about pressing pause and taking the time to notice the things around you.

Selfcare excuses #4: “I make time for self-care but it doesn’t work and I don’t feel any better”

Self-care isn’t going to instantly transform you overnight. It will take time. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Little and often is the mantra here. If you schedule in some regular self-care, over time you will start to notice a difference. However, if you find that your moods are starting to become worse, it may be that you need more help. Reach out to an organisation, such as Mind, the Samaritans, or speak to your GP. You can also self-refer yourself to mental health therapy services. The NHS has a great support page with useful links which you can access here.

Selfcare excuses #5: “I know talking about your problems is good but I find it hard to talk to others about how I’m feeling”

So find another way. May be talking therapy isn’t for you. What if you write it down instead? You could write a letter to a friend, or to yourself. Some people find journaling or brain dumping (writing continuously for a set amount of time e.g. 2, 5 or 10 minutes) to be helpful. Have you tried talking to yourself first? Hearing the problem out loud, and getting it out of your own head in as kind a way as possible can make it seem not so big as you have made it out to be. The worst thing you could possibly do is ignore it and hope that it will go away. Because it won’t.

Selfcare excuse #6: “I don’t know where to start”

Doing things we love is a form of self-care. It’s all too easy to get wrapped up in working all the time, which is why self-care is a good way of readdressing our work-life balance. A yoga class, reading a book or even going for a walk somewhere you haven’t been before. Challenge yourself not to slip back into old habits whilst you’re doing the thing – it’s no good going on a walk and your nose is stuck in your phone 95% of the time. Look up – look around you. Try to find the new in the familiar. Notice patterns, colours, shapes. Take note of the colours of the sky. Breathe deeply. Slow your steps. Enjoy the time spent outdoors – try to let go of thoughts like “I should really get back so I can finish that X/Y/Z task”.

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Selfcare excuse #8: “I’m too exhausted to look after myself”

Start small. Do the basics. Have a healthy meal, drink more water, go to bed earlier. These might sound a bit bland, but get these things right and you’ll definitely start to notice a lift in your mood and energy levels. Once you start to feel a bit better, you can then begin to turn your attention onto something a bit more to your liking, such as giving your skin a cleanse, taking up a new hobby like photography or even something more niche like ultimate frisbee!

Related: Find it hard to “let go?” Not even sure what it really means?

Selfcare excuse #9: “I don’t like being a burden on others”

As mentioned before, by constantly going around fixing everyone else’s problems rather than your own, it can actually become quite a selfish action in itself. Remind yourself of this: why do you like to help others? Is it because it makes you feel good about yourself? You like others to think of you as a good person and a good friend? By that logic, not allowing others to help you is denying them that very same feeling of feeling good about themselves. If the thought of others helping you seems unnatural at first, just start by saying, “I really enjoy helping you, but I worry that if I share, I will burden you with my problems”. A good friend will understand; a great friend will reassure you that you can talk to them about anything. Remember the old adage sharing is caring?

In summary, self-care is not selfish. Taking the time for you is more important than ever in this world of constantly being ‘on-the-go’. By giving back to yourself, you will find that you can give even more back to others, pour even greater inspiration into your projects and even become a source of inspiration yourself to others. As Katie Reed quite righty argues “Self-care is giving the world the best of you, not what’s left of you”.

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